Tyler and I have been asked to help with spreading the word about Proposition Eight on the internet. I’ll be completely honest here, when we were first asked to to survey people door-to-door I was terrified. My greatest fear was realized when a lesbian woman yelled, swore, and told us OUR marriage would never last, all while holding my child in my arms on her doorstep. It was a horrible experience, but at the same time it quickly taught me how emotional this issue would be. Although we are working on spreading information on the internet now, and are not face to face with people, the insults can be just as harsh. I have read so many comments from people that are continually calling me a bigot, intolerant, and hateful for the view point I represent. Quite frankly, I’m sick of it. Tyler and I had a conversation yesterday about this and he said, “They aren’t even using the word bigot correctly.” Just for your information dictionary.com defines a bigot as: “A person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion.” In all the articles I have read, every single one of them, no one is blasting gay individuals. They are simply trying to defend what they view as the correct definition of marriage. This proposition is about marriage, and what it’s definition should be. I can now say, after all my reading on the subject, that in order for our society to thrive the definition of marriage must remain as that between a man and a women. The main reason I feel this way is because the rights I will lose if this proposition does not pass. According to what has happened in other states, some of the following rights I desire to have, or desire others to have, will be lost:
1. Our children will be taught in school that same-sex marriage is the same as traditional marriage. Following Massachusetts ’ legalization of same-sex marriage, a federal district judge in Boston ruled last year that schools can teach homosexuality as early as kindergarten without parents’ consent or choice to opt out (http://www.ca1.uscourts.gov/cgi-bin/getopn.pl?OPINION=07-1528.01A).
2. Religious adoption agencies will be challenged by government agencies to give up their long-held right to place children only in homes with both a mother and a father. Following the legalization of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts , Catholic Charities recently stopped its services altogether in that state rather than be compelled by the courts to go against its religious beliefs. Think of the effect this will have on the unadopted children who would have found a family if Catholic Charities were still providing services there.
3. Physicians will be required to perform elective procedures in situations that go against their religious beliefs. On August 18, 2008 the California Supreme Court ruled in favor of a San Diego lesbian woman who sued her doctor for refusing to perform an artificial insemination. It is detrimental (to society and even to the patient) to force healthcare providers to choose between their conscience and their profession.
4. Ministers who teach that marriage is between a man and a woman may be sued for hate speech and risk government fines. Alphonse de Valk, a Catholic Priest in Canada, is currently being investigated by the Canadian Human Rights Commission (http://www.catholicexchange.com/2008/06/04/112780/), and Stephen Boisson, an evangelical pastor, was fined $5,000 (http://www.catholicexchange.com/2008/06/09/112825/) for expressing their religious views in a country where same-sex marriage has been legalized.
I do not want these rights lost for me, or other indiviudals, and that is why I will be voting YES to Proposition Eight in Novemeber. If you don’t agree with me, that’s fine, but please don’t call me intolerant or a bigot, because I’m not, I’m simply standing up for a definition of marriage that I believe to be true, and trying to protect rights that are important to me.
For more information on this subject please visit:
http://www.preservingmarriage.org
http://www.protectmarriage.com
Everything I Am 
I’m not expressing an opinion on Prop 8 itself, but I feel the need to take issue with one of your arguments against it (#1 as listed above). I’ve been hearing it from many different sources, and as someone with a very personal experience with talking/not talking about homosexuality in schools, I want to chime in.
When my mom came out of the closet, I was 14 years old. When the other students in my school found out, things changed for me. My “good Christian” friends suddenly weren’t so friendly; I found myself in the awkward situation of walking into a room and noticing that everyone stopped talking – because I had been the subject of conversation; when there was someone gay on a popular TV show, I would see people pointing me out to others in the hallways.
To be clear, I wasn’t a gay activist of any sort. I wasn’t even living with my mom anymore. In fact, if anyone had bothered to ask me about how I felt, I probably would have burst into tears over the devastation of my family’s complete collapse.
My youngest brother was 4 at that same time and by the time he entered school, he had worse experiences than me. People still talked behind his back, and he was teased in the school yard. He was even beaten up at school because some other child overheard his parents talking about how my brother was “different” and his “family was wrong”. I’m sure that the parents didn’t intend their son to inflict bodily harm on my brother, but it would have been nice if there had been some structure set up in the school to help kids whose families are “different”.
I know that parents have the responsibility to think of their own children principally and try to protect them whenever necessary, and so I see why those who oppose Prop 8 are concerned. But if would have been easier for me and my siblings if teachers could have helped our classmates to see that our parents’ choices aren’t our choices, and if we felt safe going to school.
There are even more kids in this situation than there were 16 years ago when I went through it. And I would hate for them to written off as casualties of war in a social or religious battle. No matter what you think of their parents or their parents’ choices, their parents aren’t the ones in your child’s classroom.
To reiterate, I’m not trying to take a position on Prop 8; I’m just pointing out a way in which discussing “different” families in schools might make the lives of some children safer and easier.
First, you are the bravest person I know. I’ve been terrified that I would be asked to go door to door or make phone calls or the like. You are my hero! “The G” also said to tell you he’s very proud of you. 🙂 Second, can I put some of your stuff on my blog? The facts, I mean. This is an unbelievably emotional issue, and I have mixed feelings. The more I study it out the more I’m convinced of Prop 8 (or Prop 102), however. I’d like to explain some of my own thoughts on my blog. So thank you for inspiring me! Although you always have!
Lastly, I hope you don’t mind if I respond a little to “Anonymous.” My heart goes out to you and what you must have gone through. I can’t say that I know what that’s like, but I would imagine that it would be extremely difficult. I think the important thing to teach is that we love everyone and don’t judge others who are different or in different situations than our own. I’d like to think that all teachers are already teaching that. If they’re not, they definitely should be. But I think they should be whether Prop 8 passes or not.
Sometimes you read something and it helps you understand that maybe the world is not so black and white as you once imagined. This happens to me over and over again, and this comment helped me to see this once again. Honestly, this is a perspective that I never once stopped to think about. I would say one of the biggest reasons we are trying to pass Prop 8 is to protect our children from a future that changes marriage from anything between a man and a women, but what about those children that come from homes of same-sex union that have no control over that. How can we educate others so they do not face discrimination and hatred? It’s an interesting thought. What do you think? I am grateful for the respectful way this individual commented and allowed for an open discussion. Please, let’s have a discussion people. I need more understanding in this area and I feel like my readers can help me get that understanding!
Thanks Christie. I think we posted at the same exact time! Also, check out our blog that we are doing in support of this measure. It’s kinda disjointed, but people in our ward are trying to find the best sources and post them there. I am like you, I have been reading a lot of this topic, and the more I read and understand the more I see why this proposition must pass. I am grateful for the comment above though because it helps me see that I must not become forgetful of those we still need to protect from intolerance and hate. It’s a crazy issue, one that at first, honestly, was hard for me to get behind. But the more I read and understand, the more I see WHY the prophet has asked us to support this. I’m grateful that someone was a little (ok, a lot) more inspired than I from the start.
Here is the blog:
http://www.yesonpropositioneight.blogspot.com/
To anonymous-
It makes me so upset whenever I hear about people going through experiences such as yours, it’s terrible. I definitely believe that we should teach our children in school that they should not discriminate or abuse others for any reason (being the child of a gay or lesbian included). You’re right, their choice is not your choice. I do, however, think that you have stepped off track on this, because that is entirely different from teaching about same-sex marriage. Sure, same-sex marriage can fall into the category of reasons not to discriminate, but we are not talking about teaching about discrimination in schools. We are not talking about discrimination of gays and lesbians. We are talking about teaching children the definition of marriage. That is something that should be left up to the parents. But yes, let’s teach our children to accept and love all people.
also, i agree with what has been said, my heart goes out to the girl who posted. if i was there i’d stick up for you (and your bro).
Hilary, I discovered your blog the recently (I hope you don’t mind), and I have really enjoyed reading your posts. This election has my head spinning and I’ve been trying to gain clarity to make a wise choice on Election Day. I consider myself to be conservative and I would consider myself a failure if I didn’t pass Christ’s teachings onto my children. But I struggle when it comes to politics because I have a hard time seeing Christ in any of this. I often find myself aligned more with democrats since they seem to care more for helping others. On the other hand, I can’t back a president with such liberal view points on abortion. Before reading your point of view on prop 8, I felt that it wasn’t fair for me to hold others to my standards, but now I feel that with the passing of prop 8 others standards would be pushed on me. In other words, I feel that people have the right to make their own choices in life, but I don’t want their choices to take away my freedom to live a moral life. Anyhow, I am proud of you being so bold.
Amy, thank you for your response. Quite frankly, it made my day. All I really want is people to be educated about this proposition so they can choose what fits best with their own moral guide. Sometimes it’s hard to see if others respond to what you are saying, so thanks for letting me know that all this work has in some way made a difference. By the way, do you have a blog? I would love to check it out!
Hilary, there have been some great discussions I’ve heard on this issue. I myself am a lot more conservative than others. I was shocked when I saw a news video in Massachusetts where they were showing the types of books that were being read to Kindergarten children. It had stories about a prince and prince that fall in love, showed pictures of them kissing, etc. I’m sorry, but I think a 5 year old does not need to be exposed to stories like that, they are simply too young to understand, especially if they come from a household with a daddy and a mommy. The parents were interviewed and said they had no option of “opting out” while these stories were read in class, and that their children were confused when they came home from school that day. Yes, we need to teach our children to love everyone from different backgrounds, and that can take place in the schools…but I don’t believe that these types of morality issues should be taught by a teacher, it should be in the hands of the parents… Especially when religion tends to play such a big part.
Hilary, here is some additional information on your first argument from the California education code.
http://law.justia.com/california/codes/edc/51890-51891.html
The California Superintendent of Public Instructions has stated that legalized gay marriage will NOT require teaching of personal relationships or lifestyles.
In addition, you already have the option to opt out of teaching. This code is NOT affected by Proposition 8:
51240. (a) If any part of a school’s instruction in health conflicts with the religious training and beliefs of a parent or guardian of a pupil, the pupil, upon written request of the parent or guardian, shall be excused from the part of the instruction that conflicts with the religious training and beliefs.
Anti-bullying codes (which California is one of 12 states in the US to enact) have led to curricula that talk about discrimination in regards to LGBT STUDENTS. Again, this will NOT be affected by Proposition 8. In addition, as a mother and wife of a school psychologist, I cannot imagine you would be against legislation that teaches fairness to CHILDREN. Children from elementary school to high school who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender face incredible amounts of bullying, harassment, discrimination, not to mention often threats and physical violence. Legislation is already in place to protect them, and voting yes on 8 will not change that. Children are not required by STATE education code to be taught about the gay and lesbian families and parents. (This may vary locally, as it is currently a local decision). Voting yes on 8 will not change this code wither.
It seems that you have a strong belief in one definition of marriage and it seems fair that you believe you should fight for that. But your first argument is unfounded and unaffected by the Proposition 8. Carter, and however many other children whose parents feel the way you do, will NOT have to learn about the diversity of families if Proposition 8 is not passed.